Dark days

This disease brings dark days. I never know pain until Lyme. It is a pain so intense that you can not concentrate on anything but the agony. Sometimes in a conversation my mind will wander from the topic because the pain it pulling it away. A friend once said to me… “Heather I think I understand, is it like when you are in labor and your husband is trying to talk to you and all you can do is scream in pain?” I think she understood what I was telling her about the pain in that moment. The pain grabs hold of you and WILL NOT release. So the pain creates a tornado of dark days. Days where you just cry, Cry, CRy, CRY!!! You cry all the time because it all seems so hopeless. I know these days well. I lived them over and over. They sucked me down and almost ALMOST destroyed me. So what saved me from them… what made me get through them?

My husband! He kept me going even when I didn’t want to. He kelp telling me that it would get better and he kept loving me even when I was unlovable and believe me  when I tell you there were days that I don’t know how he did it!

My Daughter! I have to keep going for her. Do I need to say more?

My Family! They kept telling me that I could do this and that I was strong. I’m not sure if I could do this without all of them especially my dad. He is my superhero who never tells me no or that he won’t help me. That unconditional love and support gave me strength and I owe him so much.

The Injustice! I feel like I have to get through the dark days so I can be part of the Lyme movement. I feel like I need to fight this personal battle in my body so I can fight in the Lyme war!

Now don’t get me wrong… I am still battling dark days and probably will for a long time. But every so often I get this fight in me that pushes me through and then some days there are these rays of sunshine that keep pushing the darkness further away. Know that is you are in the dark days, there is hope. Your body will surprise you with what you can handle and just be strong and keep going. It’s amazing what hearing that can do for us!

Find your fight and never let it go!

 

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